The Non-Filters: Lies n Controversy

After far too long, The Non-Filters will be returning to the Grapevine in Lexington on February 5th.  Asked to comment about what made the venue special to each of them, none of the band could remember any details.  Come out and relive the past with the band.

The University of Kentucky put a campus wide smoking ban into effect today.  Not just inside, outside, too.  They even tried for surrounding sidewalks and perimeter areas, but the city of Lexington is still thinking about whether to let them have it. 

The University of Kentucky is a leader in tobacco research.  They have earned a reputation in agriculture throughout the world as innovators in tobacco production.  They produce a large amount of tobacco on University-owned farms. 

If all goes according to planned, perhaps we can hope for a campus-wide coffee ban as early as 2013, with a pork ban to follow in late 2015.  Many other legal, non-mind-impairing products certainly need to considered for the coming decade. 

 

There has been a kidnapping plot against The Non-Filters's lead singer, Eric Baker, and it has succeeded.  The group who outlined the conspiracy abducted Baker at Wal-Mart in Lawrenceburg, KY on Sunday afternoon.  Witnesses say the alleged kidnappers asked Baker, who was minding his own business, smoking a Marlboro red in front of the grocery entrance, to follow them to their van to see a surround sound system they were selling at below cost.  When Baker leaned in to get a closer look at the hifi wonder, they shoved him in and hit him over the head.  Baker has not been seen since.  Bassist, Lee Sadler, received a call from the alleged kidnappers, but they hung up after realizing that Sadler had notified authorities.  It is unclear who will perform the lead vocals for this coming Saturday's show if Baker is not released, but the band has announced that the show must go on.

Why doesn't anyone have the courage to say what they mean anymore?  Don't lie to yourself.  It's not about anyone not wanting to hurt your feelings.  It's a simple lack of courage.  It is better to tell someone the truth, maybe somewhat sugar-coated, but the truth nonetheless, than to tell a blatant lie that might lead someone to a series of poor decisions that lead to disaster.  Be honest, not brutally, just honest.  Don't leave people hanging just cause you don't have the balls to say what you mean.  In the long run, it will work to your favor. 

The Non-Filters are under new management.  There are promises of many new shows in many new places and the two new albums will soon see the light of day.  Producer Shifty Caldwell commented on the progress of the albums, "it's like trying to record Axl Rose.  It never sounds good enough even though it sounds the same to me no matter how many times they sing or play a part.  I'm cutting them off soon.  We need a release date."  The new manager has a noteworthy resume, including several carnival performers and a 24 hour food mart.  Stay tuned to the current tour page for new shows.

It's almost become a lost art.  People still do it, but only for business, like most things.  It's really a shame.  It made you feel slightly uncomfortable to say the least, really patronized, but, still, it was an American institution.  The art of friendly conversational laughter.  You really don't hear people in their twenties doing it anymore unless they work at a bank or travel agency.  Customers in grocery store checkout lines used to do it on a regular basis, every time they got groceries.  Their children used to ask them, "Mommy, what was so funny about the can of Spam you got?"  The two new albums the Non-Filters are recording are almost finished.  They contemplated a song about polite conversational laughter, but it seemed inappropriate.  That subject deserves at least an album, if not a box set.  The next one may very well be dedicated to that subject.  Just backing music with generic conversations between the bandmembers overdubbed.  "I'm not sure I'm in tune," laughed Bill.  "I guess we'll...have to stop and see, ha ha ha, he he," repied Lee. 

Germany and Lumembourg are leading the pack this month for hits on the Non-Filters Website. Germany has been a longtime contender in the race, with 254 hits so far this month, while Luxembourg is a new up and comer. Israel is holding its own with 106 hits so far in July, running only slightly behind the Russian Federation. Mexico rounds out the top five. The Non-Filters just wanna know, Where is Argentina? The Non-Filters have been planning a tour stop in Buenos Aires for over a year, but can't justify travelling that for for a country that just hits their website 16 times a month on average.

The Non-Filters finished their mini-tour last Saturday night. It finished with a two night run at Frankfort's Cooter Browns. Reviews for the show were mixed. Fans screamed and danced, adoring their heroes. One taxi driver said he had made about sixty trips to Cooter Browns on Friday and every single passenger told him how amazing the band was. However, one controversial review by an individual who wishes to remain anonymous stated "when they were bad, they were terrible. When they were good, they were okay. It was like a car wreck you just couldn't take your eyes off of." The Non-Filters will be in the studio until their next scheduled show on August 8th, finishing their "Civil Sobriety" and "Killing Snakes" albums.

The Non-Filters offer their condolences and prayers to the family of Michael Jackson. The King of Pop was pronounced dead shortly after 3:00 at UCLA Medical Center. He was scheduled to perform 50 concerts beginning July 8 at London's 02 Arena.

Music legend Michael Jackson has been rushed to UCLA Medical Center. Reportedly the King of Pop was not breathing when the ambulance reached his home. Rumors range from heart attacks to the star being dead.

The Non-Filters are definitely playing at The Dame on June 3rd and possibly playing at The Fort Harrod Beef Festival on June 6th.

Rumors have been circulating that The Non-Filters are working on a monumental two disc release of all new material. And....a new Kentucky tour supporting that realese.

Some say the album could be Celtic flavored, enlisting some of Scotland's hottest musicians. While others say a children's choir was spotted leaving via Greyhound bus from Sadler Compound last Wednesday.

Eric Baker has described the album simply as a showcase for his harmonica solos.

While Kipp Ballard has spoken of the magic of drum machines and Non-FSC Marlboros.

Bassist and lead guitarist Lee Sadler and Bill Shewmaker were spotted at a local Tasty Freeze wearing new Non-Filter mesh tank tops blaring alleged new hit, "Southern Alabama Lumberyard Blues" and reportedly gave the middle finger to a sixteen year old girl in pigtails and roller skates.

The University of Kentucky has announced its replacement for dismissed head coach Billy Gillispie. It will be Non-Filters associate Scott Grider. Athletics director Mitch Barnhart says that while much of the general public may be surprised or outraged by the choice, Mr. Grider has shown great ability to work against the odds with groups of guys who are sub-par to say the least.

Thank you for your comment on the guestbook Carrie. The Non-Filters
always appreciate feedback from their fans. Do you have any hobbies?
Hopefully yours are more worthy than ours. Google Maslow's 'hierarchy of needs'. Acceptance of others is lower than
'self-actualizition'. Thanks again for your feedback, Carrie. Let us
know how we can make the website better for you.

Sincerely, Eric

Bill Shewmaker was seen leaving the Danville, KY Peddler's Mall with television sensation Star Jones. Reporters followed the power couple to Long John Silvers where they shared a Fish and More meal and a medium water.

The Non-Filters are back in the game. Not only are they getting shows in some great new places, they're actually being asked back. The band will be playing at The Skylight Lounge on March 6, which is directly over the Dame, probably as close as they'll ever get. At least for one night, they can say, "We're above The Dame." The following weekend, on March 14, the boys will be back at Patchen Pub. April 10 finds The Non-Filters back at The Dragon in Frankfort.

For those who may be as obsessed with non-fire-safe cigarettes as Eric Baker of The Non-Filters, check out http://www.thepetitionsite.com/1/repeal-fire-safe-cigarette-laws?page=12 to try and bring the good ones back to Kentucky.

Next fall, CBS will be debuting another sure to be hit from Jerry Bruckheimer. The series will be similar to the other popular CSI programs except that it will follow The Non-Filters from gig to gig. After each gig, the band members will enter the forensics lab to help solve crimes in whatever city they happen to be playing for the evening. The shows writers hinted that during the third season, they may shake things up and have individual band members sneaking out during the show to question suspects. The series was originally going to be titled CSI Lexington, but Bruckheimer felt that it might be confused with Lexington, Massachusetts, so he negotiated a deal with The Non-Filters. It is unclear at this point which Who song will be the theme music.

The Non-Filters performed another breathtaking show at Patchen Pub last night. Fans said it was like watching the pyramids being built, except that the Non-Filters were able to construct their magic in four short hours. On the subject of construction, the state building inspector will be visiting Patchen Pub tomorrow to see if Lee Sadler caused any structural damage by hanging off the bar joists while playing his bass. The band is scheduled to return to Patchen in March.

The Non-Filters headed to Washington on Christmas morning to ask Congress for a share of the bailout money. The band apparently wants to buy some new speakers, amps, guitar strings, and still have enough left to pay a large group of people to travel with them to shows and pretend to enjoy their music. "I'd like to see attractive girls dancing in the front row," explained Baker to the puzzled politicians. The Non-Filters asked for a cool thousand dollars but said they would take more if it was offered.

Eric Baker became a news story Sunday evening after another public outburst. The rock legend was allegedly finishing his Christmas shopping at a Lexington strip mall when he asked another customer if she would like to have her picture made with him. The confused shopper, not recognizing Baker, replied, "get away from me pervert." Baker became enraged. Witnesses report that Baker was within an inch of the woman's face, screaming at the top of his lungs, "Everybody knows who I am!" When the woman's fourteen-year-old great nephew tried to stop the angry singer, the two apparently became violent. The fourteen-year-old, who is home with his great aunt, could not be reached for comment. Baker is in Central Baptist Hospital.

The Non-Filters performed at Wildcards on Main Street in Lawrenceburg, KY last night. It was a great show. Nice acoustics. Lovely atmosphere. Enthusiastic, likeable crowd. Except for at least one person. Someone in the audience, who is not a regular at Non-Filters shows stole a wallet out of the purse of someone who is a regular at Non-Filters shows. This is disgusting to the band. A Non-Filters show should not be like going to New Orleans. You should not have to wrap your money in a cloth and safety pin it to the inside of your shirt. The wallet contained $300 and many other items that can never be replaced. Any information that might lead to the abduction and beating of this person can be emailed to eric@non-filters.com. There will be a reward if the information is beneficial.